— A. N. DeBerry
— A. N. DeBerry
At what point do you settle? Truth be told, NEVER!
A friend once told me, “what does it matter, in the end we’re all alone.” I began to open my mouth to argue, but found my self stumped in thought. The fact is, he’s right. Nothing guarantees the presence of loved one’s at our passing, no one there to consoled and help you realize everything is alright. At the end of the day, our last day, it’s quite possible that we will be the only one’s present with any insight into our own lives. Which leaves to question, will you live a life that needs consoling and explanation, or will you live a life where the smile, on your own fading lips, is enough?!
We spend so much effort pleasing the next, be it family or friend, lover or stranger, that we forget the most important person to please is self! I know, a very selfishness statement but I stand by it. I’m not talking the kind of pleasure from material things or wealth, I’m speaking of spiritual fulfillment! I’m talking about the fact that many, if not most, live and die with only a few moments in the entirety of their lives, if that, where they could say they obtained that most elusive sensation, the feeling of absolute knowing. That instance where you are filled to brimming with an overwhelming truth; that you are here for the sake of all, and all is here for the sake of you! A euphoria that eludes to the fact that you are not only, precisely where you should be, but where you chose to be!
I am accused of always sounding as if my age is far greater, my explanation of this was the fact that for some, at a certain age we feel as though we should be so much more, doing perhaps not great things, but things all the same, great to us. And not doing such adds years of stress and regret. You aren’t to old, you’re simply so weighed down, burdened with regret that you feel far to old to succeed! It’s a survival mechanism in people of greatness! Your soul is telling you something is wrong, and the tightening of heart is it making damn sure it’s not ignored!
Passion is a holy whisper, a cosmic tell. And with it, the soul burns brighter and true, fending off the shadows of regret.
The fact is… to do otherwise then passion dictates, is a betrayal of self. I’ve finally realized this, only days ago. You want to live a life immersed in film, and yet the burden of life leads you to the conclusion, that what you wish is impossible. You go through the day convincing your self that stability, and certainty is pivotal for an adult. Your shoulders grow heavy, for reasons you can’t explain. You should be happy, why am I not happy; all you want to be is happy. You day dream of making movies every time you see one, you think, “it’s a shame, but I KNOW it wouldn’t of worked out.” And then there will be a day when you snap! When you realize, or perhaps truly don’t care about success, all you start to care about is giving it one hell of a try! A damn good fight! You feel as though each day is a struggle, and come to the conclusion that you now, want each day to be a struggle with MEANING! But then you receive bills in the mail, a friend is getting married, or having their second child. The appearance of success in the lives of others drags you out of your, not day dream but life’s dream, and back into a world where, easy small successes, are fulfilling and just…
Only after life’s last breath has time truly ran out. Till then the world is yours; you must merely be foolish enough to see it!
A fortune cookie told me today, “God will give you everything that you want.” Well, I want to weave words so exquisite that the mind refuses to forget them. I want to travel the world so extensively that all it’s wonders become common to me! I want moments so fierce and passionate that tears are demanded as penance, and I want to live a life absent of REGRET and full of PROMISE! That will do for now anyway! ^_^
~I know I’m weird, but it’s always been that way for me?!
I loved her more than life would allow. Feeling not worthy, i found my self never looking into her eyes. I stood by standing in her shadow hoping not to take up her precious time. I am a fool and will remain a fool. I feared her touch, thinking such joy would cease my life, and at the same time knowing such joy was worth the risk. At the end of the day there was nothing else on my mind but her. The pain from holding in such feelings caused a sickness in me that i may never recover from. If only I could find the strength I lost form breathing in, the air you exhaled to tell you … But before then I would need to invent the words that could express the feelings, such words have been forbidden to exist I’m sure, for i have not found them. Even at the end of this life I will still want nothing more than to lift you into the light deemed only for God. I will live to free your life of stress and pain. Hollow from the first time you said hello, because since then you’ve had my heart. As long as you were near I knew I would not find the will to tell you those sacred words, so I left to travel the world so that I may find it, and maybe one day I will. Perhaps before the end of this world I will find such strength, but until then you will always be able to find me in your shadow. I …
Re⋅gret[ri-gret] verb, -gret⋅ted, -gret⋅ting, noun
Regret is a pain without wound, scar or remedy. Feeding on desires rightfully yours but never obtained, it is a longing of a thing, signaled by essence to be worthy of sacrifice. A knowing of a lost moment, possible of the greatest sins or the greatest beauties. A crippling weight relieved by no amount of time, remaining anew against all protest. The cruelest of ways for I to translate to I of chances lost but never forgotten. For most it is the most vile of memories, yet the most treasured of items. - A. N. DeBerry
Today’s word count: 3,416 of Sorry, We’re Dead — which brings the current total for it up to 55,930. In the midst of the climactic confrontation,...